Post originally published on March 23, 2015
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. –Robert Frost I wanted to start this blog post by letting you know that I absolutely love Robert Frost. He has inspired my writing and influenced my life in ways beyond belief. With that being stated, it seems fitting that my first blog would have one of his quotes. This quote really resonates with me because there are two roads in life, typically speaking, there are two choices to every decision that we make. There is right and there is wrong. Those are the two that most everyone knows, but I am going deeper than those two words. I have come to know that right and wrong have always been exceptionally difficult for me. There is no black or white, just grey. Someone can make a decision that is wrong for all of the right reasons; however, it is also true that someone can make the right decision for all of the wrong reasons. So after much thought, all I can think of are questions that I faced during my youth that made me into the person that I am today. There is no right or wrong answer; there is only truth in what life held for me at that time. Would I rather have an abusive relationship or an unbearable reputation at school? Would I rather gravitate towards depression or drown in drugs and alcohol? Would I rather stay in an abusive home or run away? Would I rather live with the abuse or be taken away by a social worker? Would I rather be socially condemned by those who I thought were friends or take my chances with the unknown on the Internet? Would I rather end it all here and now or fight until I turned 18? Would it get any easier leaving everything behind or would it get harder? All of these questions were choices that I’ve personally had to make in my life. It was a very dark and depressing time for me and I don’t think back much to the past because my life has become so much brighter, more colorful and astoundingly peaceful. I also do not hold anything against anyone. Holding anything against the people who hurt me in the past would mean that I still carry them with me which I do not. Regret, remorse, and hatred only hold pain so keeping those feelings with me would mean that I still hold on to that pain which I do not. All has been forgiven, but never to be forgotten since this was the path that I traveled to become the person that I am today. And…there was no right or wrong, only perhaps in the eye of the beholder. I went back to that town some years ago and I was faced with the one question. Why did you leave so suddenly without saying goodbye? All of these old friends were concerned because I just vanished; I was traumatized and hurt, but they had no idea because I never let them in. I chose a different path and I believe that I did take the one less traveled by which has made all of the difference…to my happiness. It wasn’t easy for me to find the one characteristic that motivated me to move forward, but I think that it was empathy. I envisioned a better place, one where someone loved me for who I was on the inside and not how they could break me from the outside. I love my family and friends dearly, but know that some keep the guilt of the life that I had lived upon their shoulders. This is some incite on understanding me; I am still classified as Anti-Social. In fact, if I tell you something that you really don’t need to know, that is a prime example of my every day struggle in trying to hold a normal conversation. But, it is imperative that I do because I am fighting my fear each time that I let someone in. I am turning another page in my life which means that I break free of the weaknesses that crippled me before. It took me seven years to finally admit that the problems that have stemmed from my past don’t have to walk with me now. I don’t have to continue with allowing it to take the lead. This was not meant for anyone’s guilt, pain, or discomfort; but, only to show my strength to survive through the darkness and now into the light. I began this blog with a quote by Robert Frost and shall end this blog with a quote that I now live by. One can not simply live with a creative mind by doing the things that lack color, strength, and empathy. For without them, all that is left would be a vessel that is devoid of light and filled with only darkness.
Loved reading this! I’m so glad you overcame it all! ~Deniz